Funny funny funny

This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. I read it a few years back and completely forgot about until today. It is not related whatsoever to my reviews or tech info, however it is very nerdy and very funny! Enjoy!

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks ...Troubled User
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REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.

(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)

Updates

Hey all!

I have added hopefully an interesting way for you to view my video blogs. I am now utilizing uStream's Android App that allows me to stream live from my Motorola Droid. I can be found by following the above link. I will post the schedule of my live shows at a later date, but check it out and let me know what you think after watching a live broadcast. If it doesn't work well enough, I'll find another way, or if you just don't like live broadcasts at all, just let me know (don't worry you won't hurt my feelings).

Android App Review: SlideScreen by LarvaLabs

Good morning everyone! I'm going to do a quick review of SlideScreen by LarvaLabs. I have been trying to find an easy to use interface for my Motorola Droid. While waiting for the Android 2.1 update to be released I was browsing through the marketplace when I stumbled across SlideScreen. I figured I'd give it a whirl.

This replaces the standard Android interface with a very easy to use interface. It prides itself in showing what you need to know, not focusing on apps. It will show anything from your schedule, to twitter updates, to facebook, the weather, email, phone calls, and text messages. This makes it far easier to get the info that I need, granted it also makes my purchase of Beautiful Widgets by LevelUp kind of pointless, however I do not regret that purchase in the least. But I digress. SlideScreen comes in two variations. The first is the free version, which is ad supported at the bottom (telling me to buy the full version), and the full version (cost: $6.99) which removes the ads. So far that is the only difference I can tell, granted it does free up a slot at the bottom of the screen to allow more information.

Here you can see the app menu that is available by pressing the menu key on your Android phone. The top eight apps that you see are user defined favorites, and the bottom portion is where your apps show up just as they would in the standard app launcher.

So far after just a bit of use, this home screen replacement appears to work very well! I am however going to wait to purchase the full version for a bit to see what I think of the 2.1 update (if it is ever rolled out).

New Smartbook Runs Android

Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) announced Friday that it will be releasing a new smartbook under it's Compaq branding. This new smartbook will be running a flavor of the Android OS and will also incorporate a 10.1 resistive touch screen. This little computer will be running the same processor that can be found in Google's (GOOG) Nexus One.

Compaq AirLife 100

Some of the known specs on this are:

• Qualcomm Snapdragon processor
• 10.1" Touch screen
• 802.11 b/g & 3G
• 16 GB Solid State drive
• 1024x600 resolution
• 12 hours battery life / 10 days standby

I look forward to finding out more about this, including pricing. This looks to be a strong contender to help fight off the advances of the  Apple iPad.

(image credit: cnet)

Moto DROID 2.1 Update Imminent: More Information

Earlier this week I reported that Motorola had come out with an announcement that they will begin pushing the updated Android 2.1 software out to customers this week. Apparently, however, that was a mistake made by Motorola, and it will not be out this week. I do however have high hopes that it will be out sometime soon. As soon as I have more information I will update. Keep following and I will get you news as soon as I can.

Moto Droid 2.1 Update Imminent

Motorola announced about an hour ago that it will begin the rollout of Android 2.1 onto Motorola DROID devices later this week. This is much faster than I had anticipated.

"Hi all-- we know you are frustrated with the lack of details regarding Android software upgrades and we sincerely apologize for not being able to share info sooner. We're happy to relay the 2.1 upgrade to DROID will start to roll out this week, and we will have more information to share on other device upgrades later this week as well. Thanks for your patience and continued support." - Motorola (via Facebook)

This is great news for myself and many other DROID users as it should enable multi-touch on more than just the maps application (which just received multi-touch with its most recent update), as well as some other goodies, including the new news and weather widgets. No other details have been released, however the rumors have stated that it will not have the nifty animated wallpapers, 3D app launcher, nor will it have the grid view. If this turns out to be true, it will be a major let down.

Alienware M11x Announced

As of this morning I had the distinct pleasure to have pre-ordered my new Alienware M11x

As Configured -

• Cosmic Black case
• Windows® 7 Home Premium, 64-bit
• Intel® Core™2 Duo SU7300 1.3 GHz (3 MB Cache)
• 4 GB Dual Channel DDR3 at 1066 MHz
• 11.6" WideHD 1366x768 (720p) WLED
• 1 GB NVIDIA® GeForce® GT 335M
• 500 GB SATA II 7200 RPM Hard Drive
• Custom Nameplate
• Internal HD Surround Sound (5.1 Channels)
• 1.3 MP Web Cam
• 802.11 b/g/n Wireless Card
• Bluetooth Module (2.1+ EDR)
• HDMI, VGA, DisplayPort, 3 USB, 1 Firewire, Media Card Reader
• Battery Life (advertised, 8 cell battery): Over 6.5 hours
• Weight: under 4.5 lbs
• Alienware Lighting (Utilizing AlienFX)

The incredible thing about the fact that this is an 11.6" netbook is that it has dedicated graphics that pushes the performance to never before seen levels on a laptop of this size. I am really looking forward to giving this a proper review, so look forward to it in about a month after I receive my unit and have a chance to really work it. I will also be posting an unboxing video so check back for that as well. Until then, keep checking back for other reviews and news!